Country Christmas Shopping

Hey y’all! Merry Christmas Shopping Season. Now I know I like fuss about shoppin’ with Darla, and I always say I’ll find other things to do. To be honest, if I did half the things I say I’d do Darla would bury me out under the still where nobody is ever gonna find me. So, when that woman tells me its time to go Christmas shoppin’ I’m already out the front door and in my pickup with the passenger door open waitin’ on her.

This year was like the others, we headed on up to Columbia where the big shops are. I will say there seemed to be more folks than usual this year. Now I expect our usual influx of yankees who like to complain about their weather, and then complain about our way of livin’, but there were just lots of people in general. Especially on the freeway.

Now you got to understand, I may be getting’ older, but I can still get it behind the wheel when I need to; so it ain’t like I’m an old doddered. But some of the folks drivin’ these days are either drunk or stupid. I reckon half of ‘em must have been stumblin’ into drivers-ed class when they was teenagers. I done quit countin’ how many drivers attach themselves to my bumper instead of passin’ me. I swear, if you can’t change a lane you best not be drivin’. Worse, these folks normally have picku-ups or SUVs. I reckon it must be more than they can handle, so they’re afraid to pass. Bless their hearts.

Then you get folks that don’t want to let you on the freeway. I guess they might be fantasizin’ about being Dale Jr.  I was changin’ highways and this old boy kept his shiny new pick-up next to mine the whole time. I’d speed up and so would he. I hit my brake and he’d slow down. I was running out of acceleration lane right quick. I guess he didn’t know us southern boys ain’t afraid of runnin’ out of road. I just kept right down the shoulder. I was up to seventy-five and he just sat there next to my door in his truck. There was a woman with him. I could see that on account of him being so close to me. Now I reckon she must’ve been his wife because I see her start fussin’ and her arms are flying ‘round. The next thing I know, that old boy let off the gas and I was able to get in front of him.

You ever done somethin’ and got so embarrassed you just wanted to get out from wherever you was? I think this fella must have felt that way. Traffic was still movin’ at eighty and that old boy got in the left lane and took off like a scared cat. I have no idea where he was goin’ but he was makin’ good time.

I tell you what, compared to the freeways, the shops were down right calm. Although the pickin’s were meager. There were items scattered on the floors, shelves, shelves and the floors, even shoppin’ carts. At least I thought that shoppin’ cart was part of a display until a woman started yellin’ at me. I reckon we all get a little stupid durin’ the Christmas shoppin’ season. Y’all be good.


The Daily Post: Meager

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