Hey ya’ll. Lawd! What a week I’ve had. I have to go back a bit first so you can understand the trials I have faced. I couple years ago Ma’s sister went to be home with the Lord. The year before we had lost Pa, so we were in tough times around the homestead. Well my aunt, Ma’s sister, she had this little dog named Spot. Now Spot was old and sickly and to be honest none of us kin folk wanted that dog. This sweet girl from the veterinarian really loved my aunt and her dog. Well, she went and asked for that old dog, and we were all happy for her to have him.
Wouldn’t you know it, that poor old dog died a few days later. I guess he just missed my aunt. That nice girl cremated him and called up my wife, Darla, and asked her if she wanted the ashes. Course you can’t say no to such a thing so we took this wooden box that had a pile of ashes neatly wrapped in a plastic bag. Since Spot was so small the box weren’t no bigger than something you’d put a few rings in.
Well things have gotten better since those days. This week Darla happened to remember about that box of ashes and asked if we should take it to the cemetery and sprinkle them on my aunt’s grave. That sounded like a fine idea. After all, there ain’t much good in keeping somebody else’s dog ashes around the house. So we headed on up the mountain to the graveyard. Now this graveyard always has a breeze. It would be a little creepy except most the folks buried there are relatives. So I figure if it’s haunted they’re probably family anyway.
After we get there I ask Darla if she wants to spread the ashes because she and my aunt got close near her end. Wouldn’t you know, she let me have the honors. That’s why I love her. So I take that box over and take the wrapping off the top of that bag. Darla, being the helpful wife, she is telling me to mind the wind. Course I was already thinking about that wind. After all, I spent some of my childhood playing among those grave stones. Well sir, that ole wind must have shifted. I start sprinkling those ashes and the next thing I know them ashes is all over my arm, my jeans, and some even blew up in my face and in my mouth! I did not appreciate that. I wasn’t close to that old dog, so I didn’t care for tastin’ him.
After I got done dusting Spot off my arm and legs and back on to my aunt’s grave Ma suggested we go get lunch. I was all for that. I didn’t really have a big appetite at that point, but I thought my stomach would feel better if I could taste some good sweet tea, a burger, and fries. Heck, I’d taken broccoli at that point. So we head to the burger joint and I head to the men’s room while Ma and Darla got us drinks and food. Now you can’t really bathe in a public restroom sink, but I tried. After that, I sucked down as much sweet tea as I could. I just hoped I weren’t swallowing any of Spot, I don’t think my aunt would approve.
Then we went to visit some old family friends. They have one of those funny wiener dogs. Not the kind you eat, the kind that bark. He was so friendly to me. I didn’t think nothing of it. I have a way of attracting dogs. A little bit into the visit that wiener dog found his way on our couch and started licking my arm. I sort of laughed and thought maybe he was trying to help me with my trauma. Then it dawned on me, I didn’t get all of Spot off. I put him on the floor and he tried licking my jeans. I have to admit I am still a bit traumatized. I don’t know if that little fella was trying to be sweet or if he’s a cannibal. Ya’ll be good.