High Anxiety

Philip opened his eyes. He thought they were open. Everything around him was black. Where was he? Philip began to feel around. He was in a box. He could bend his elbows and move his hands around. It was a tight fit. Suddenly it dawned on him. He was buried alive! How much air was there? What would he do? He yelled and kicked, but he was alone. He began to panic and beat on the box. He felt his heart begin to race, he gasped for air, it felt like his body was spinning, and then darkness.

I think that sums up the anxiety attacks that come along with moving into a creative field. My various jobs throughout my life have always guaranteed a paycheck on a certain date as long as I did my work. That is no longer the case. Now if you own your own business, are in the arts, or are a farmer, you already know this. You always give your best and hope it will be profitable.

This is the cost of venturing into the world on your own. I am working as hard on my free story as I am the one I will charge for. The hope, of course, is that everyone will like my free book enough to pay for future stories. However, there are no guarantees.

I’ve talked to a few self-employed friends. They tell me I’ll get used to the uncertainty. Of course, if creating my own businesses was actually easy I would not see millions of people working for other people. There is a cost to either choice. I just have to decide which cost I am willing to pay.



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2 Replies to “High Anxiety”

  1. Your comment “I just have to decide which cost I am willing to pay”, should be more on the lines of “I just have to decide which reward I am aiming for”. In a salaried world the reward is the stable, not increasing (at least not significantly) check at the end of each month, given that it is consistent and can be relied upon. In a entrepreneurial world it is the reward of taking a leap of faith, and receiving an unmeasurable return for your efforts, only limited by the amount you put into your efforts. And I believe that the amount of effort that you are putting into these books, lead by God’s hand, can only deliver an unimaginable reward.

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