Lucius Goes to Charlotte, North Carolina

How y’all doin’? I took me a little trip this week up to North Carolina. I wanted to visit my childhood friend Bobby. He moved up around Charlotte ’bout ten years ago. I try to get ’round those parts every year or so. I don’t like the big city none. I love being out here in God’s country. Once in a while I head up yonder to Columbia to do me some Shoppin’ or to keep Darla from taking me somewhere, but most times I prefer to stay ’round these parts.

I gave Bobby a call to see if he minded a visit. He was excited I was comin’, but then he started warnin’ me ’bout the roads up there. I told him there weren’t nothin’ to worry ’bout. He don’t actually live in the city none. He’s a bit south of there. He kept on ’bout his roads anyway. Then he started up ’bout how the politicians in Raleigh thought they knew everything but didn’t know nothin’. I reminded him I ain’t a political man, but he was on a tare. Finally, I got him to calm down when I promised to bring him some family shine to help him with his stress.

So, off I went up north. Some of y’all may think North Carolina ain’t north, but the rule down in these parts is anything north of your state is north. Folks in Georgia call us Yankees all the time. So I’m up there with the northerners and let me tell you, Bobby wasn’t kiddin’ ’bout them roads. Lawd! Before I know it I was sayin’ words in my car that would embarrass my mamma. Some genius decided to connect a major highway next to another major highway in a small town south of the city. Folks up there called the road Independence, but I think they ought to name it Independence No More on account that you can’t hardly get ’round on it. Lights and intersections was all tore up. That road was full of pot holes and construction debris. Course ain’t nobody wants to drive in that mess, so folks take the next road over, where Bobby lives. It’s a little two lane country road. Now its full of semi-trucks, dump-trucks and cars that don’t want their suspension tore up.

I’ve┬áseen fewer vehicles leavin’ a NASCAR race. I was so frustrated by the time I found my way to Bobby’s house I brought in the shine and we shared it. I don’t like me no politics, but I like stupid even less. I had to admit to Bobby he was right about those folks in Raleigh. Ain’t nobody workin’ there that has a clue what is going on in the state. Bobby and I agreed it was best to just stay at his place for the day on account neither of us wanted to drive. I reckon that was the best decision ’cause we finished the two jars of shine I brought and the rest of the day was downright perfect.

I’m glad to be back at the homestead. Our roads are quiet, our neighborhoods are quiet, and the folks don’t come home spittin’ nails ’cause they tore up their car sittin’ in traffic for two hours. You city folks can have that. I’d rather be a hillbilly any day of the week. Y’all be good.

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