Lucius Goes To Dinner and Hears a Genius.

This has been a right rough week for everybody. Here at the homestead, Darla thought going out to dinner would lift our spirits a bit. I’ll be honest, I am thinkin’ anytime she don’t have to cook or clean her spirits get lifted. She suggested we go to one of these gourmet burger joints. I don’t know if you’ve ever been to one of these places. They serve burgers with stuff on them I ain’t never thought of, but you can get beer. Whoever pulled into a drive-thru at Wendy’s and thought, “Why ain’t they servin’ beer?” was a genius.

So we get there. Now this place ain’t too fancy, just the way I like my places. I’m wearin’ a polo and jeans and almost feel overdressed. Don’t get me wrong, the decor wasn’t like no honky tonk, but it ain’t no high falutin’ steakhouse either. We sit outside cause the weather around these parts is finally gettin’ tolerable. You talk about good timin’. Not only was the weather nice, but they had all beers priced the same whether you got their sixteen ounce or their twenty ounce. I guess you know what I did. I pick me a local brew, and it was down right good.

I guess folks around here had the same idea as us ’cause that patio was pretty near full. It weren’t so loud I couldn’t hear Darla, but it weren’t quiet neither. Then the food critic done spoke up. Now this fella must of thought he was somethin’ special. He weren’t drunk ’cause he was there with his youngins. All of a sudden above the drone of people I hear, “This food is too rich!”

“What is too rich?” He answers to a child I couldn’t hear. “That means there is too much fat, too much salt, or butter, or sauce. It’s too good and needs something to cut into all of that. Maybe acid or somethin’.”

Right away I knew that fella watched them food porn channels and was just trying to sound like some food genius. Food that tastes too good? What does that even mean? I wonder if he’s ever gone up to his boss and said, “No sir, don’t give me no raise, that’s just too much money.” Or told his wife, “Honey I love you ’cause if you looked too good other fellas might want ya.” What was wrong with that guy? What really scared me was his youngins. They were just soakin’ it all in.

That ole boy reminded me of this guy I met one time when I was a young man. He told me I should hang back and make sure nobody notices me. Says that way folks leave me alone and I can just cruise. At the time I reckoned he might be on to somethin’, but then I started thinkin’ on it. Nobody wants to invite the dullest fella to the shindig. Who wants to party with the boy that nobody sees in the room. Everyone wants to be around the guy that throws on a woman’s skirt over his shorts and starts to hula. Then he starts drinkin’! When the buildin’s on fire ain’t nobody wants the fireman who just stands there with his hose in his hand waitin’ for orders. Give me too rich, too crazy, too smart, too good lookin’ any day.

Gettin’ back to those kids. You know sometime in their long life them children are gonna be givin’ some choices. I wonder if they will spend their life goin’, “No sir, my daddy taught us to be mediocre. I ain’t never gonna try to move up out of my job in this here company.” or “Hey dad, meet my boyfriend John. He graduated middle of his class and wants to do whatever job he can get out of high school for the rest of his life.”

Just remember, careful how you eat. Your food preferences might just have lifetime implications. Y’all be good.

The Daily Post-Genius

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